How to Successfully Live in a Nursing Home

How to Successfully Live in a Nursing Home

____________________

by Carolyn Ann Howard

I learned a lot about nursing home living since my mother was in one for the last 7 years of her life. As Pastor eulogized at her funeral, he couldn't imagine living 7 months in a nursing home, let alone 7 years. Cheers, yes. But if you must, here's how to make the most of it, even if you're there just to rehab-to-home.

Nursing Facility courtesy Pixabay

1. Accept your plight.

If you find yourself in a nursing facility, accept that this is now your home. Even if you are rehab-to-home, this should also be your attitude, as it will make your stay much more palatable. Literally the worst thing about being in a nursing facility is that, as of this writing, most people have a roommate. I feel like this will soon be changing and the sooner it does, the better. But until then, decorate your half of the room to make it feel like your home.

2. Stay mobile.

The nursing facility my mother was in did amazing things to help Mom stay mobile, even against her will. Her last 7 years were miserable, because she didn't accept her plight, nor did she try to stay mobile. If you're mobile, you have so much more freedom, and if you have a good attitude, family and friends will be able to take you for outings if you're mobile. If you need a walker, that's fine. But fight, fight, fight to stay out of a wheelchair. The Physical Therapy (PT) department will most likely allow you to use their exercise equipment, as long as they are there in the PT room and don't need it for another patient for whom PT has been ordered. So use that equipment, such as the stationery bike, to keep your legs strong. Somebody has said that a person needs 10,000 steps a day. You can do that easily in the nursing facility, walking up and down the hallways. Just stay out of the healthcare workers' way.

3. Don't let depressing thoughts weigh you down.

If you find yourself in a nursing facility, you have to keep depressing thoughts away from you. So do things to make yourself happy. Read books, watch TV, play on the computer. What things did you do to make yourself happy prior to finding yourself in a nursing home? I love doing genealogy, for example. Find a hobby that you can manage inside the nursing facility. If you're a reader, which I am not, but if you are, books were in abundance at Mom's facility.

4. Get outside.

Most nursing facilities have courtyards or chairs at the front door. When its nice outside, get out there! Watch the birds, watch the squirrels. Breathe the air!

5. Be nice to everyone.

You don't have to be friends with anyone, but be nice to everyone. You are all in the same boat! And being nice helps to keep everyone's spirits up. Don't get involved in petty disagreements.

6. IMPORTANT - Eat in the dining room.

So many residents eat in their room. This is a mistake for several reasons. Countless rehab-to-home patients - maybe in an effort to make "going home" as their main goal - eat in their rooms. Do not do this. Eat in the dining room. Why? Because it gets you out of your room, and it helps to break up the day. Also, if you need help with your food, that's where the workers are. You can raise your hand, and they will help you. If you're in your room, and you need help, the workers are busy and may not be able to get to you right away. Don't like what you're being served? There are usually alternatives, but these alternatives are available to those who are eating in the dining room. At the facility where my mom was at, there was always chicken noodle soup, and it was pretty good. Also, your food is going to be hotter and fresher.

I noticed that a lot of carbs and sweets were served to the residents in Mom's particular nursing home. Try to stay away from these. First of all, you'll want to watch your weight. Its so easy to gain weight while in the nursing facility. This is bad, because it will help to make you immobile, which is the worst thing that could happen to you.

There are always healthy options. Go for those.

7. Drink your water.

In Mom's nursing facility, there was always coffee, tea, and water available in the dining room. Take advantage of these benefits. The staff always made sure Mom had a glass of water available close by her bed.

8. Participate in the activities.

This will help you to keep your mood up and keep your hands busy. It will also provide you with the fellowship of the other residents. You don't have to get close to anyone if you don't want to, but do have fun with the others who are there and with the workers.

9. Keep up with current events. 

10. Keep your mind busy. 

Do puzzles or play computer games. Play cards. Don't let your mind be idle. Again, read books! What's something you enjoy? Do that.

11. Don't guilt trip your visitors. I dreaded visits with my mother, because she guilt tripped us every visit, and it's so disheartening to go visit someone who has so much spite because of their situation. She came up with countless conspiracy theories on why she was in the nursing home and begged us to take her home, even though none of us could give her the care she needed. She let her situation get the best of her, and it did not serve her well. So don't do it, because you want your visitors to look forward to seeing you. And, maybe they'll take you out for lunch!

12. Take advantage of special things.

Some nursing facilities take their residents out on a bus for field trips. At the nursing facility where my mother lived, they had restaurant day once a month, where they would order to go food from any restaurant you wanted.

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Nursing facilities are not what they were when I was growing up in the 60's and 70's. I understand why my pastor doesn't want to go into one, and, I don't want to go either! But I know of people who really should go to a nursing facility who absolutely refuse. But at the nursing facility, there are people there to help you should you get up in the middle of the night with a racing heartbeat. Or if you fall down while trying to get to the restroom. And also, they provide things to do so you're not sitting immobile watching TV all day. Or calling your children in the middle of the night asking them to take you to the ER.

Don't think you can afford a nursing home? A good elder law attorney can get you on Medicaid for less than $10,000. I know that's a lot, but at my mom's facility, it cost less to get her onto Medicaid than for one month of skilled care.

© 2022 by December Moonlight Publishing, LLC

Thoughts About My Mother and Her Dying

 Growing Up with a Preacher Man

Rev. William "Lester" Howard (1929-2021)
Mary Eulalie McLean Howard (1933-2021)

Thoughts About My Mother and Her Dying
____________________

by Carolyn Ann Howard

I didn't cry much when Dad died in October of this year (2021). I was half-mad, but I didn't cry. Half-mad, because I couldn't get him to accept the care he needed until it was too late. If I could've gotten him into Hamilton Pointe when I wanted to earlier this year, he might still be with us. So yeah, half-mad, but I didn't cry. Just a few days before his death, we were able to get an emergency admission into Newburgh Healthcare, thanks to the amazing caregivers at Heart to Heart Hospice and, of course, the staff of Newburgh Healthcare. But Dad rarely listened to me or sought my counsel.

Mom stopped eating after Dad died, but that also wasn't a surprise. My mother was the Queen of No. No to me having Power of Attorney. Thankfully, the social worker at Newburgh Healthcare talked her out of saying no to that. No to needing to eat. No to the Covid booster. No to getting her diabetes finger prick, and no to insulin. And, the last time I saw my mother lucid, it was no to the brownie that was on her plate. As my daughter, Stephanie, recalls, "She chucked that brownie across the table. It's now my favorite memory." And then, the other resident sitting at the table with us said, "I want my brownie, though. Can you push it closer to me?" Which the answer was, Absolutely!

Dad could always talk Mom out of saying "no." Always. Every time. One of the workers told me that once when Dad came in to pick up Mom for church on a Sunday morning, he was upset that Mom wasn't dressed and ready to go. The worker told him that she had refused to get up that morning. Dad went into the room, she said, and he came out a few minutes later and said, "She's ready now." Dad would've been able to talk Mom into eating, or into taking the Covid booster, or anything else she needed to be talked into. As with my Dad, I never had that power with my Mom. To be fair, I'm pretty stubborn myself.

The day before Mom died, 19 Dec 2021, hospice called to say she had gone down hill very quickly that Sunday. The next morning, while in the bath, the nurse at Newburgh Healthcare called to say that she wasn't expected to make it. Well, I've heard that one before. There were quite a few times the last 20 years when I have seen Mom so ill that I didn't expect her to make it. One of those times was when she was admitted to Newburgh Healthcare in 2014. I didn't think she'd be in there for more than a couple of days. She stayed 7 years.

So I was in the bath, and they called and wanted me to come in as quickly as I could. I kind of thought that maybe this was going to be it. But, I didn't expect it to be that very day. I got to the nursing home before the hour was up, met with the hospice nurse and the facility nurse, and then the chaplain came in. Mom was on morphine and comfortable. Remembering how I lost all my pictures because I was complacent in getting them out of my dad's house, I picked up a few things I knew I wanted from my mother. Memories. Two pieces of the last nativity set that she didn't finish. (She handmade many nativity sets in her lifetime.) Her Bible. A couple of photo albums she had that was of her McLean family. And then, I rushed out, heading to go to work, leaving her behind with the chaplain. Click on photos to enlarge

 As I was leaving, the business personnel, who were having lunch together in the break room, asked me if she had passed. I said, "no, not yet." But I had to go to work. I had piano lessons scheduled for Monday and Tuesday of that week, having then the rest of the year to myself. I would be back tomorrow, I reasoned, and this is what I told the workers. And I would be off after that to give Mom all the time in the world.

I got the call while I was teaching that afternoon, and since I didn't answer, Stephanie was the second person they called to tell her Mom had passed. I still didn't cry. Stephanie did.

I didn't cry as we were cleaning out her room at Newburgh Healthcare. I didn't cry when talking with the pastor who was to give her eulogy. I didn't cry at the visitation. I didn't cry during her eulogy. Death is so natural to me. As a pastor's daughter, I grew up with death. My first marriage, which lasted 29 years, was to a man who worked maintenance at a funeral home and whose best friends were funeral directors. We hung out a lot at the funeral home. I saw a lot of death. And, I have been a church musician practically my whole life and have played countless funerals. Death doesn't bother me.

After the funeral service, Kenny drove Stephanie and I in our Jeep Compass behind the hearse all the way from Washington Avenue in Evansville, Indiana, to Yankeetown, Indiana, if not on the grounds of Alcoa, pretty close, to Bates Hill Cemetery. We had just been there a few months ago for my father's burial, and Stephanie and I had visited later for a picture of the stone for Find-A-Grave. It was familiar.

Pastor said a few words and had a prayer. And then that was it. It was time to go. But... but... I couldn't leave her here. Everyone had started walking to their cars. I grabbed Stephanie's hand to try to stop myself from crying. We can't leave her here, I thought. Are we just going to leave her here? I decided I wouldn't leave. I'd sit there forever, fighting back tears. I didn't care how long it would take; I was just going to sit there and wait. I could see in the corner of my eye that Pastor was waiting for me to be okay enough to get up from the chair I was sitting in. Stephanie coaxed me up. I knew I had to leave. I knew I couldn't sit there, but why couldn't I? We can't just leave her here!

My mother and I. We never were close. We never really saw anything eye-to-eye. And we were never going to no matter what either one of us did. But, in that moment, I understood that this was my mom and that she was gone. She didn't visit me after her death like my father did, but this was still my mom, and she still was gone.

But she's not really gone, is she? She's in her heavenly home with her sister, her mom, and my dad. When she and her sister put their heads together, there was no one else. Betty has been gone 9 long years now. And now, they're with each other again, with their heads together, no doubt, scheming their next project.

Mom with her younger sister, Betty
They were always close
Carolyn Ann Howard Family Collection

Uncle Rufus Jr., Mom, Uncle Eddie, Aunt Betty, Uncle Owen
Only the youngest, Owen, is left
Carolyn Ann Howard Family Collection

 

Stephanie walked with me back to the car, but I asked my husband permission - who knows why in that moment - but I asked permission to go see my Aunt Robbin one last time before they drove back to their home near Indianapolis. Everyone else were in their cars, ready to go, but no one could leave until we did, because we had them blocked in. So Stephanie walked me down the procession of cars. I didn't know what vehicle they were in, but it didn't matter. Aunt Robbin jumped out of the vehicle, and we hugged one last time. I don't think Aunt Robbin really understood how much I have always loved her until after my parents died. She asked me to come see her soon, and I said, "I want to." And I do. And hopefully that's in the cards for 2022 - which I think is going to be a great year, by the way.

© 2022 by December Moonlight Publishing, LLC

Edythe Louise "Edie" Marquess Miller (1911-1988)

 Growing Up with a Preacher Man

Rev. William "Lester" Howard (1929-2021)
Mary Eulalie McLean Howard (1933-2021)

Edythe Louise Marquess Miller (1911-1988)
____________________

by Carolyn Ann Howard

Listen... I'll be honest. I didn't like Edie Miller. Maybe I should say I was jealous. I felt growing up that she and my father spent way too much time together. What were they talking about together at the church all the time? I don't know. In hindsight, I'm sorry I didn't like her. I realize now that she was a fine, fine person. Still, my dad rarely was at home, and I hold that in my heart still to this day. Click on photos to enlarge

Edie Miller's college yearbook photo
Courtesy Ancestry
Fair Use

Dad tried to establish family night at one point, but I was a teenager by that time, and it was too late. I said no, and he threw his hands up immediately and said "okay." And then he tricked me by starting a youth group instead. Joke was on me.

Our first youth group in Monticello
Carolyn Ann Howard Family Collection

When I was just 15 years old, for whatever reason, I decided to throw my parents a surprise 25th wedding anniversary party at the church. I recruited the church's secretary to help me plan the event. I did not, however, recruit Edie Miller. But there she was with her hands in the midst of it. In retrospect, she was the best person for the job!

My parents at their 25th party
Edie Miller in the background
Carolyn Ann Howard Family Collection

Edie Miller was born Edythe Louis Marquess in Crawfordsville, Indiana, to Frank Marquess and Florence Green. She attended Butler University in Indianapolis for at least a year. She married Myron Miller in 1937 in Indianapolis, and they later moved to Monticello, Indiana.

Myron was a pharmacist, and he is the one who filled the "diet pill" prescription my mother had become addicted to. My mother was an enigma. If Mr. Miller questioned the validity of whatever these amphetamines were, this prescription was for Mrs. Howard, the wife of Rev. Howard. That meant it was perfectly fine. After we moved to Evansville, the pharmacist here said "no" when she presented her prescription to him.

I can't gain access to the Monticello, Indiana, newspapers, which would be so helpful. Mr. Miller worked at one of the pharmacies in downtown Monticello. After school, my friends and I would sometimes stop into the soda fountain at the pharmacy for a Coca-Cola. I still remember the wood floors in those old buildings, and how they creaked when someone walked on them. Mr. Miller always was cordial, not overly friendly, but nice. I also remember my friend, Kathy Olson, telling me to try a cherry coke. I was not a fan.

The reason to honor this woman, however, was that she honored me as a teenager, and I'll forever be grateful to her for this. In 1974, Monticello endured an F4 tornado that, according to Wikipedia, "produced the longest damage path recorded during the 1974 Super Outbreak." The destruction of this tornado was great. The area in which we lived including the parsonage, the church, and Loucille Cole's home, were fairly undamaged in comparison. We lived in a sort of valley with the Tippecanoe River being just a block further downhill. A ridge rose on the opposite side of the river where a "National Homes" subdivision was located. It was destroyed, and its numerous belongings were blown down into our large yard.

After the tornado, my mother was inconsolable, begging Dad to move to Newburgh, Indiana, so she could be with her family. She was yelling at my father, through her tears, to move. This was a mistake, because only a few years later, we moved to Evansville, Indiana, close to Newburgh. My mother never got over the move from Monticello.

Back to the tornado and its aftermath... My father, Rev. Howard, decided that he needed to be there for his parishioners. That's fair. And we had lost power to the house, and I believe it got pretty cold outside afterward. I don't know where my mother went, but they shipped me off to someone who worked at the church's day care. I became very sick that evening, so I caused a lot of trouble to this person. Once to this person's home, I started throwing up at one end with diarrhea on the other. She had to clean up one mess of body fluids after another. And, to top it off, I wet the bed that night. This person threw me into her car the next morning and took me back to 407 Beach Drive and washed her hands of me. I never saw her or her family again after that.

Myron and Edie Miller
Carolyn Ann Howard Family Collection

After that, I was shipped to.... Edie Miller. I don't think Mrs. Miller knew my feelings for her. Perhaps she felt like I was struggling after seeing my hometown destroyed. She would have been right. I was devastated after the tornado. We all were. She told me I was suffering from malnutrition, and she made me dry toast and poached eggs for dinner. I ate them. She really tried to take care of me that night. She brought out board games for us to play together. I don't think I was rude, and I hope I wasn't. But she is the one who saved me. I was healthy and well when I left her care.

It was two years later that I planned that surprise 25th wedding anniversary for my parents. Thankfully, Mrs. Miller stepped in to help. I could not have pulled it off without her.

Ruth Kretchmar, Sharon Tolley, Edie Miller
1976 surprise party for my parents
Carolyn Ann Howard Family Collection

© 2022 by December Moonlight Publishing, LLC

Dr. Minnie Hayden Howard (1872-1965) Frontier Doctor of the West

 Johann Gottfried Hauer (John Godfrey Howard) Family Line

Dr. Minnie Hayden Howard (1872-1965) Frontier Doctor of the West
____________________

by Carolyn Ann Howard

Dr. Minnie Howard may not be related to me through blood, but I'm still incredibly proud to have her same last name, Howard. Dr. Minnie was the wife of my third cousin, twice removed. Click on photos to enlarge

Dr. Minnie Howard

Dr. Minnie was born Minnie Hayden in Memphis, Missouri, to a farmer and his wife, Jacob and Carina (Carrie). When she was 14, she moved with her parents and siblings to Larned, Kansas. The reason for the move may have been the call of the west, which was strong at that time. It might be that opportunities were better for their children in Larned. This would be information that perhaps an extended study would find.

Dr. Minnie attended Central Normal College in Great Bend, Kansas, before embarking on a career in teaching in rural Kansas.

Five of Dr. Minnie's letters to her then future husband, which can be found on-line through Idaho State University, show that Dr. Minnie was well-educated and highly regarded. In the letters, she called her future husband, William Forrest Howard, her "esteemed friend." She also, in these few letters, outlines her brother, Will's, carriage accident, in 1890. Will fractured his skull and almost died. He did recover from his injuries, and, in his adult life, he was a pharmacist. I'm wondering if his accident was something that caused Minnie to consider becoming a doctor. According to Idaho's Remarkable Women by Lynn Bragg, her husband talked her into getting a medical education, so that she would understand the lifestyle. Her mother, Carrie, died in 1892, another factor that may have caused Dr. Minnie to make a decision on becoming a doctor.

Minnie's brother, Will

Dr. Minnie's husband, William Forrest Howard, also graduated from Central Normal College. After their marriage on 23 Aug 1894, in Larned, Kansas, at the home of the bride, they both taught school. William and Dr. Minnie graduated from the University of Kansas Medical School, Minnie in 1899. Upon their graduation, the couple practiced for a few years in Cuba, Kansas. In 1902, however, they moved their practice to Pocatello, Idaho.

Pocatello, Idaho circa 1890
Public Domain via Wikipedia

I have no insight, again, as to why they moved to Pocatello, but, my goodness, it was so gorgeous. Situated all throughout the Pocatello, Idaho region are many summits and mountain ranges.

Mountain scape of Pocatello

The Howards did a lot of good in Pocatello, so much so that in 1983, a mountain range was named after them: Howard Mountain!

Minnie herself did much philanthropic work in Pocatello, for example, heading the committee to get a grant from Andrew Carnegie for the Carnegie Library that still serves the community to this day.

Modern day Pocatello Library
Tricia Simpson via Wikimedia Commons

Most of the biographies I have read about Dr. Minnie states she gave up her medical practice after the birth of their second or third son. depending on the source. I don't think this is true. Sure, in essence, she gave up her practice, but she continued to use her medical knowledge for the good of her family and those around her, particularly the Native Americans who lived nearby in the Fort Hall Reservation. The reservation was originally founded in 1868 and was home to the Shoshone and Bannock tribe. Indeed, Pocatello was named for Chief Pocatello (1815-1884).

Tribute to Chief Pocatello
Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons

The consumption of alcohol at this time in United States history was a serious problem. Although we know now that temperance was a terrible idea, many people then saw no other way to reign in America's drinking problem. Dr. Minnie was no exception. She held offices with the Women's Christian Temperance Union (WCTU) and affiliated herself with the Prohibition National Party. 

It is a myth that Native Americans have a predisposition to alcoholism, but during Dr. Minnie's lifetime, it was widely accepted as the truth, unfortunately. Because of this, Dr. Minnie worked tirelessly to keep alcohol out of the hands of the Shoshoni and Bannock tribes. She is said to have been a friend of Chief Pocatello's daughter, though, so her work with the tribes would have been sincere. She offered them medical care as well as food.

Another reason to believe in Dr. Minnie's sincerity is her interest in, not only local history, but her attempts to locate the original Old Fort Hall, considered by some to be the most important location on the Oregon Trail. Along with a few others and her husband, the location was discovered, although "experts" disputed it. An archaeological excavation in 1993 proved Dr. Minnie and her crew's findings correct. The site is now the home of The Fort Hall Replica and Museum, 3000 Avenue of the Chiefs in Pocatello.

3000 Avenue of the Chiefs
Google Maps
Proper Attribution Given

Courtyard of the Replica of Fort Hall
Jeffrey G. Backes via Wikimedia Commons

The first marker at Fort Hall in 1916
Public Domain via Wikipedia

The Discovery of Old Fort Hall
Public Domain via Ancestry

Dr. Minnie was an avid history buff, particularly of Old Fort Hall. She wrote several articles for the newspaper concerning Fort Hall as well as the history of Pocatello. According to Idaho State University's web site, she was a member of the Library Committee, Art & Travel Club, Music Club, and Southern Idaho Historical Society. She was also on the City and County Welfare Board and was Bannock County Historian from 1931 to about 1956.

For his part, Dr. William Forrest Howard, who also was with the group to place the first marker at Fort Hall, was active in the community. According to the Idaho State University web site, he served as coroner and city physician. He was active with the Masons, Shriners, and the Kiwanis Club. According to Idaho's Remarkable Women by Lynn Bragg, Dr. Howard and his wife helped to found Pocatello General Hospital in 1905.

This blog posting merely scratches the surface on the life of Dr. Minnie Howard. It would be an amazing feat to write an entire book about her. Unfortunately, that would include an extended stay in Idaho for study. While that would be a great time, and I would love it, it's just not feasible. It is my hope that this blog posting will honor her memory.

Dr. Minnie and her husband had four sons. They all grew up to be physicians.

The Howard Sons
Public Domain via Ancestry

© 2022 by December Moonlight Publishing, LLC

Mary Ann Poore Dean (1902-1987)

 Growing Up with a Preacher Man

Rev. William "Lester" Howard (1929-2021)
Mary Eulalie McLean Howard (1933-2021)

Mary Ann Poore Dean (1902-1987)
____________________

by Carolyn Ann Howard

I'm not sure how my mother decided which myriad of older church members I was going to stay with on their date nights, but fortunately, Mary Dean was one of those church members. She lived very close to our house on Beach Drive on Pine Lane in Monticello, Indiana. Her house was newer than ours, ranch style. And I loved her bathroom! She had a shower in tub with glass shower doors that I thought were beautiful. This is probably why when I moved into my first home, I had my first husband install them. MISTAKE! Do not put glass shower doors on your tub! They are so difficult to clean. Also in her bathroom was a vanity chair. It was all so fancy.

I'm not sure how much I stayed with her, but I remember sitting on her living room floor, playing pick-up sticks with her or typing on her typewriter. I've always loved typing. We didn't watch TV. In hindsight, she may have sat at her kitchen table grading papers. I didn't realize she was a schoolteacher at the elementary school where I attended. She retired in 1968 after the death of her husband, Glen, who was also a schoolteacher. I was 7. Apparently, according to my childhood friend, Linda, Mary continued to substitute teach in the same school system.

She was always kind to me, and she was always gracious when I stayed with her. She had a guest bedroom that was reserved just for me. Outside of the bedroom window, I could see the Burger King lighted sign. I would watch out that window, waiting for the light to switch off. That's how I knew it was 10 pm, which meant it was time to go to sleep. I never had trouble sleeping at her house. I don't remember what it was like to wake up at her house, though. I can imagine that she welcomed the new day and me, perhaps having breakfast ready? I just can't remember.

Once when we were together on a Friday night, we went to a restaurant that had all you can eat fried chicken. I ate all that I could eat and then some. She never shamed me for being too heavy or for eating too much. When we got into her car, I told her I could go back in now and eat some more. She told me that she could, too! I also remember eating with her at a nice restaurant with tables and tablecloths. It may have been Angler's Restaurant.

Mary Dean was born Mary Ann Poore in St. Louis, Missouri. Her parents were Frank and Anna Poore, and she was born in 1902! When I think of the people in my young life being born over 100 years ago is a bit lifechanging! Also thinking of all those wonderful people in my young life, I am finding a gratitude for those women that I've never felt before. When you're young, that's just your normal, right? How I wish I could go back and hug all those wonderful women! I will hug them for sure when we all get to heaven.

Reaching out on Facebook, hoping to find a few pictures since my father threw all my Monticello pictures away, in his dementia. God bless him. I didn't find any pictures, but I did find some comments. She apparently was a stern schoolteacher. She also - I had forgotten - had a birthmark that covered half of face. This was off-putting to some, unfortunately. How brave she must have been.

After remembering the birthmark, I wondered how much it affected her life. I did find at least one picture. Her senior picture. It is heartbreaking. The name of "Poore" at the bottom of her picture indicates her maiden name. Click on photos to enlarge

Mary Ann Dean nee Poore attended Ball State Teachers College and graduated from there with a master's degree in elementary education. Her husband, Glen, also graduated from there. I imagine this is where they met. They settled in Kokomo, Indiana, where they both taught public school. I don't know why they moved to Monticello, but I would think it was because they were offered good jobs there. They lived a modest life, to be sure, but it doesn't seem they wanted for anything. They attended church faithfully.

Death doesn't bother me. It never has. And I wonder if it's because I grew up with it. We had many funerals at the church growing up, and the bodies would be delivered sometimes the day before. And I was there with the bodies, and it was the normal. To that end, when Mrs. Dean's husband, Glen, died in 1968, his embalmed body was delivered to the church. The next day, at the funeral, the only thing I remember was watching Mrs. Dean walk up the church sidewalk to the doors. She was stoic. And it left me wandering, how was she feeling right then?

After Mr. Dean died, Mrs. Dean and my father put their heads together, brainstorming of what to do with the church building during the week. Dad didn't think the church building should ever be empty, except maybe at night - maybe. They settled on starting a day care center. Mrs. Dean volunteered her time every day, every week, and worked to build the day care center. The endeavor was successful, and the day care center served many children over the years. 

You know what makes me so angry at myself is not keeping in touch with these wonderful people. And I'm angry that I didn't rescue my pictures. I thought they were safe in my father's care. When I realized he had thrown the pictures of the day care center away, I became a little more intentional on getting whatever pictures he had left into my possession. I didn't want to upset him by taking what he perceived to be his things.

I did also find a small box of slides that I was able to make into jpegs. In this picture, Mary Dean may be the woman on the right, but I can't blow the photo up close enough to see if that's her birthmark or a blemish in the picture. Many of the slides were in such bad shape with many blemishes.

After the day care was up and running successfully by itself, Mrs. Dean retired and moved back to Kokomo. At the end, she was with her son, David, in Brazos County, Texas.

© 2022 by December Moonlight Publishing, LLC

Dr. John W. Stone, Modern-Day Doctor & Preacher. Also, Traitor to the Union

 Knights of the Golden Circle Series

Dr. John W. Stone (1837-1909) Modern-Day Doctor and Preacher. Also, Traitor to the Union.
____________________

by Carolyn Ann Howard

On 21 Oct 1864, a military commission convened in Indianapolis, Indiana, having charged several Hoosier men of treason to the United States. Dr. John W. Stone was not one of the five, but he was quite involved in the antics that caused the trial. The trial is known as ex parte Milligan.

Dr. Stone was, however, arrested much later in 1888 for a murder he allegedly helped to commit in Martin County, Indiana. This murder occurred in 1864.

I learned of John W. Stone through my research of The Knights of the Golden Circle (KGC). One of my main characters in Pioneer Stories, Albert Qualkinbush, was part of this secret society and participated in the above stated murder of his neighbor, Jackson Ballard. Ballard was home on leave from the Union Army and was looking to arrest a deserter, Allen Anderson. He would never have a chance to do so, for he himself was murdered in cold blood - allegedly by members of the KGC - before he could find Anderson. On a side note, Anderson would never be found as he had fled to Canada.

Dr. John W. Stone was born around 1841 in Lexington, Kentucky. This is according to the Directory of Deceased American Physicians, 1804-1929. The reason I give the source of this information is that Ancestry will have you all over the board as far as John W. Stone. To be fair, this man WAS all over the board anyway. But be sure to check and double check your information on Ancestry. It's so easy for their algorithms to pull you in! Especially with a common name such as John Stone.

On the 1850 census, Stone was living with his parents in Spencer County, Kentucky. His father was listed as a chair maker. By 1860, Dr. Stone had married Susan McKinney, and their eldest was born in 1860 in Brownstown, Indiana.

Stone's father, who ended up in Lost River Township, Martin County, Indiana, was in Floyds Knobs, Indiana at the time of the 1860 census. By 1870, he was settled in Martin County, Indiana.

In the 1870 census, Dr. Stone and his family were in Van Buren, Indiana, and he was listed as a Teamster. See what I mean by all over the board? By 1880, he was situated in White County, Illinois, listed as a physician and a surgeon. This was where he settled.

What was this KGC, and what were their goals? Simply put, their oath was to the Confederate president, Jefferson Davis, and they were on the side of the Confederacy, even though their residences were in the Union. Their larger goal, however, was a bit more sinister. The scheme that only the higher-ups knew about was to build a brand-new country, in the shape of a circle, with Havana, Cuba as its capitol. Other lands to be annexed for this new country were parts of the United States, Mexico, and Central America. Slavery would be legal, and their aim was to corner the markets in cotton, sugar, tobacco and coffee. Click on photos to enlarge

The military commission that
presided over ex parte Milligan
Public Domain via Wikipedia

Whatever the frame of mind of the KGC's Martin County members, John Stone must have been a man full of charisma, for he was the one fueling the enthusiasm for the KGC in the Martin County area. We may, however, take clues from Wesley Tranter, a former Knight, who testified on behalf of the U.S. government in the treason trials in Indianapolis:

[Mr. Horsey] came to me and said they were getting up a concern; he did not state what it was, but it was something in defense of the country -- but he didn't tell me exactly what it was at first, or the name of it. I joined it, and they called it the Circle of Honor.

When the KGC was ready to put their plan into place, the first goal was to "put [Indiana] Governor [Oliver] Morton out of the way." According to Tranter, this referred to the assassination of the governor. The men in southern Indiana's KGC were to make a rush on the capitol of Indianapolis, "take the place, wear out the soldiers, and release the [Confederate] prisoners." On the same day, according to "The Treason Trials of Indianapolis," attacks would also be made in St. Louis, Missouri; Springfield, Illinois; and Washington D.C. When Tranter was asked by the Judge Advocate who was responsible for making these plans, he answered, "John W. Stone."

John W. Stone was not only a physician, he was also a pastor. We know little about his practice or his ministry. According to The Daviess County Democrat, March 10, 1888:

[Stone] was afterwards silenced from preaching, on account of not practicing what he preached, and a rumor was reported at the time that he had killed a Union soldier. He still practiced medicine, when sober."

Of course, this is hearsay.

On Ancestry, John W. Stone, looks like most everyone else, reduced to documentation. But by using other sources, we can find out more about people like Dr. Stone, such as newspaper articles and, in this case, government transcripts about a trial for treason! Although Dr. Stone was not one of the defendants in ex parte Milligan, he certainly played a huge role in the crimes.

So eloquently stated

The men on trial for treason in the case called ex parte Milligan were found guilty of treason by the military court and sentenced to hang. Andrew Johnson, after Lincoln's assassination, commuted the sentences to life imprisonment.

The Supreme Court took up the case, stating that President Abraham Lincoln had overstepped his presidential powers in dealing with dissenters. Because the civilians were tried in a military court, they threw the case out. In so doing, they protected future civilians from being tried in military courts. The prisoners were then released, now free but broken. Dr. Stone escaped this mess, even though he had been a large part of the scheme.

In the latter trial, the one held in Martin County, Indiana, Dr. John W. Stone was found not guilty of the murder of Jackson Ballard.

© 2022 by December Moonlight Publishing, LLC

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The Trials for Treason at Indianapolis: Disclosing the Plans for Establishing a North-Western Confederacy. Being the Official Record of the Trials Before the Military Commission.... (1865). United States: Moore, Wilstach & Baldwin.

The Trials for Treason at Indianapolis - Google Books

Winzerwald Winery

 The Travel Blog

Winzerwald Winery, Perry County, Indiana
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by Carolyn Ann Howard

When my daughter was in high school, we were both so busy. I was working three jobs, and she was busy in school and with friends. I felt our closeness melting away, and I wasn't sure what to do. We would seemingly be having a great mother-daughter time, and then something would happen. I would get a phone call; she would get a phone call; a friend would come over...

Then I had an idea. A great idea, as it turns out. I realized that when she and I were in the car together, we were stuck with each other. By this time, I believe I had a primitive flip cell phone for work, but I don't believe she had one. No one else could track us down. So once a month, we planned a day trip together on Sunday. We went everywhere - Wyandotte Cave, Louisville, French Lick, Owensboro - and I was right. It gave us a wonderful time to talk with each other and stay in touch with each other while having fun. Click on photos to enlarge

Stephanie and me at Leavenworth, Indiana
Probably 2007

When I wrote The Cliffords & Mr. Orr, I caught the bug from Emily Orr Clifford's love of travel. She always preached to anyone who would listen that travel, not things, is the ultimate way to spend one's life. My dad wasn't a traveler, and so neither was I. Now that I'm able, I want to start traveling more extensively.

Stephanie and I currently are settling for day trips. And one that we have done twice is Winzerwald Winery in Perry County, Indiana. It's so easy to get to. Coming from Evansville, just take Robert D. Orr Highway north to I64. Take I64 as if going towards Louisville. Take exit 72 and follow the signs! It's located at 26300 N. Indian Lake Road.

It was a dark day but warm. I can't drive when it's dark because of the way headlights refract on my eyes, leaving me with a debilitating migraine. But Stephanie is always happy to drive, for which I'm most grateful. And she, like I, must stop at every single rest stop to pee. :)  There is a rest stop on the way to Winzerwald and one on the way back!

Look at us now! Nov, 2021
At Blue Star Memorial Highway rest stop
near Winzerwald Winery in Bristow, IN

Guess what else is located on Indian Lake Road? A cemetery! I love cemeteries. All those stories behind all those stones. And, as a Find-A-Grave volunteer for nearly ten years now, I checked this cemetery's stats on Find-A-Grave. I saw that there were 9 photo requests and that the cemetery was only 38% photographed. I asked my daughter if she would like to help photograph the cemetery with me, and she was a bit hesitant. One reason she thought it would take a lot of time. Another was that she didn't want to trespass. I explained that I photographed the entire Goodwill Cemetery, that has over 2,000 graves, in 3 hours - with a Nikon camera to boot. We had that cemetery photographed in 15 minutes, and I now fortunately have a new ally in photographing and setting up memorials on Find-A-Grave! She loved the experience. Looking at all those names and dates. So interesting.

We then went onward to Winzerwald! They have a nice wine flight where you can chose 8 different wines to taste. They also have wonderful flat bread pizza and a gorgeous view. We each did a wine flight, shared a frozen wine, bottle of water and a flat bread pizza for less than $30. Everyone there is really nice, and it's just a great place to have a relaxing lunch. The view is also breathtaking. 

We visited the cemetery on the way back, too, just to check again for the photo requests. We had only found 4 of the 9. On our visit back, we discovered 2 more that were covered in that cemetery moss that plagues so many cemeteries. There were 3 we just couldn't find, but we will look again the next time we go back. There were quite a few stones that had sunk into the ground and some marked with just a small stone with no name. Many were illegible. The good news is that instead of 38% photographed, Foster's Ridge Cemetery is now 71% photographed!

I love these little trips, though. Emily Orr Clifford was right. Traveling is the best.

© 2022 by December Moonlight Publishing, LLC