A Kidney for Me and a Kidney for Thee

A Kidney for Me and a Kidney for Thee

Rev. Robert John Brown (1943 - 2020)
and Monica Mills

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by Carolyn Farmer

The Prayer Chain at The Lutheran Church of Our Redeemer in Evansville, Indiana, was not looking good for its pastor, Rev. Robert John Brown. On September 18, 1988, the prayer chain asked for "continued prayers for a donor that matches for Pastor's kidney transplant." By November 13, 1988, the prayer for Pastor Brown was "as he increases dialysis from 2-3 times weekly, that he would experience increased energy and strength for service to our Lord."

In the meantime, Pastor Brown's confirmand, Monica Mills, was taking one of her morning walks. Monica had been reared as a Catholic, but, after meeting her husband, Jerry, she converted to Lutheranism. Although she relates that she and Pastor Brown were not close as far as being friends, she did enjoy confirmation classes with him and felt a bond in that way. They also, of course, exchanged pleasantries whenever they met at church. By this time, Monica and Jerry had two little girls Ruth and Ann. Every morning, while the girls slept and Jerry got ready for work, Monica would walk to her in-laws to have coffee. Quite a bit of the talk this particular morning was about the kidney that Pastor Brown needed. His situation was becoming quite dire. Her father-in-law also admitted that he had asked about donating a kidney of his own but was told he was too old. It was this morning, walking back to her house, that Monica - God's precious daughter - heard her heavenly Father whisper that she was going to be the donor. (Click on photos to enlarge.)

L to R: Bob's wife Carol, Pastor Bob,
Monica and her husband, Jerry, 1990
Monica Mills Family Collection

She went home that morning and told Jerry, and he said that was fine. Jerry was stoic throughout the process, being supportive of his wife and her decision. According to Monica's journal, her mother and sisters cried for days. Monica was distressed that her mom and sisters were hurting over her decision. "I hate causing my mom and my family any pain or grief. I cannot change what is happening. I feel that God has led me to do this. No one else even knew about it. I can't even explain why I'm doing it. I just feel the need to give." The only time Jerry felt any fear was the night before the procedure. Monica says she felt fear only once but was immediately calmed by reading Psalm 34:4:

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears." 

   

The first step was tissue typing. She matched 2 of 6 antigens. The other 4 antigens would be controlled by medication so that her kidney would not be rejected by Pastor Brown. Interestingly, the match was as close as if they were brother or sister, or cousins. They were not related. Monica also had to undergo extensive psychological evaluations to make sure she was not being pressured by anyone, including by her religious convictions. 

All the while, Pastor Brown was oblivious to all that Monica was doing. In fact, she was too nervous to tell him, especially after she got the results back and was told she was a match. On August 7, 1989, she went, along with her husband and father-in-law, to Pastor Brown's home. He at first thought perhaps Monica and Jerry were coming for marriage counseling! When they told him the news about her kidney, Monica says, "He and Carol [his wife] were very gracious and excited, but almost disbelieving and just plain shocked." She confided in me that Pastor also told her he would "think about it." Soon after, Monica began the difficult psychological evals. She would also have to undergo blood and urine testing, as well as intravenous pyelogram, which is an x-ray exam of the urinary tract.

Closer to the time of surgery, Monica had to start giving blood every 2 weeks that would be injected into Pastor Brown. This procedure would allow his body to get used to the donor tissue, improving the chances that the kidney would be accepted. The infusion was supposed to happen during the time of his dialysis, but, "it seems that there [was] something in my red blood cells that he [didn't] have, so they couldn't give him them... He had to go into the hospital on Thursday for the transfusion." And then when Monica went 2 weeks later to give more blood, her hemoglobin was so low, they had to call the director of The Red Cross for permission to take blood. She started on iron after that. She used all these appointments as a chance to witness about the transplant and of "God's control over everything. People have been extremely understanding. I expected some confusion and criticism, but I have received none."

Monica's niece wrote a children's book
about Monica's two kidneys
Karla and Darla
Monica Mills Family Collection

The last big test Monica had to suffer through was an arteriogram, which is an X-ray with contrast to look at the arteries. She had to lay flat on her back for 6 hours. A week later, she would be on her way back to the IU Medical Center at Indianapolis for the procedure. Her elder from Redeemer was there along with her mom and sisters and Jerry, of course. Bob's son, Josh was also there. The surgery was successful and there were no complications.

Her kidney gave Pastor Brown 31 years more of life.  Five years later, he wrote, "Monica, you have made it possible for me to... touch more lives [through] larger events than at any time in my ministry. Only God could know what he would do with your gift. All we can do is trust him with the rest of our lives and encourage others to do the same."

Monica was upheld through this entire ordeal by not only her family but also her church family. Redeemer members gifted her with cash to pay for all her expenses as well as a portable phone so that she didn't have to get up to answer the phone all day long. With her huge scar that still today wraps around her body and all those staples, that phone was a huge blessing! People also came to clean her house while she recovered and lots of childcare to take care of Ruth and Ann. She also received many, many prayers and just as many cards.

Before the surgery, Monica wrote in her journal that she hoped one day "my little girls will understand. Maybe they never will, but I pray they will." Her little girls are now grown with children of their own and are very proud of their mom and grandmother.

To this day, Monica, now retired from tax accounting, continues to bless all those around her. Her story still inspires all who hear it.

Pastor Robert John Brown died Friday, March 27, 2020 at the age of 76 years. Along with being a Pastor, he also was a musician and a builder of banjos.

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