Sex, Rape, and Divorce in the 1800s

Genealogy Tips

Sex, Rape, and Divorce in the 1800s

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by Carolyn Ann Howard

This post was updated 01 May 2022

Really? Seriously? A divorce rate of less than 2,000 in the 1860s? No, not really and not at all seriously. This chart is wrong. Although divorce rates may not have been as high in the 1800s as they are now, they were definitely not this low. What's wrong with this chart? What's wrong is that it looks like documentation, even though it isn't. Because divorce in the 1800s was not well-documented, we don't really know what the divorce rate was.

Keep this in mind when doing genealogical research: If a female relative disappears, don't assume that she died. Assume that she lived. Go, look for her. It’s probable that she just quietly 'went away.' Her husband may have had her committed to an insane asylum. Check those records. Check the census records to see if she was living with a relative. Check the census records to see if she was living in a hotel. Or maybe she remarried.

If this seems absurd, remember that records were not well-kept at this time in the U.S., especially in the case of a *gasp* divorce. Also remember that the United States was extremely rural, so a neighbor didn't necessarily know another person's business.

 
It must also be understood that women in the 1800s had NO RIGHTS. Their decisions were made by their husbands, fathers, and brothers. Many times, they were treated as mere property and suffered abuse with no rights under the law. It certainly was not difficult for a man to end his marriage.

When doing research, one must also keep in mind the beliefs that embraced the country in the 1800s or simply the beliefs of your ancestor. Divorce was shameful and women who were divorced were many times treated as a 'sinner,' shunned from their friends and from their church. Naturally, many divorced women and even men would say they were a widow/widower, passing that information on to their children and grandchildren. Better to lie than to be disowned!

The Works Progress Administration (WPA) documented faithfully many of the marriages in the United States in the 1800s. The WPA didn't, however, document divorces. Those records, if indeed there are any records of the divorce at all, are safely tucked away in the local court houses or in historical societies. If you can visit the county where your ancestors lived, this is usually a good way to obtain information.

Whatever you do, keep your mind open to any possibility when doing genealogical research. Try not to judge your ancestors too harshly! They lived their lives just like you're living yours. Most of them did the best they could with what they had.

Thinking about intimacy between two people can feel a little creepy. When I first began my study of the 1800s, I had a difficult time reconciling the fact that those people lived in close quarters yet had many children. Where did they find the privacy to do have sex? Well... mostly they didn't find the privacy. They just did it. In my book Pioneer Stories, John and Sally are in their bed downstairs making out, while the boys are upstairs in the dormer, grossing out. "Ew!" Albey exclaimed. "There they go again!"

Not only that, some had children just a few months into their marriages and some had children even after their spouses had been dead for several years. Where was that perfect ["holy"] world I had been taught as a child? If you're also looking for that perfect or holy world, stop. It's not there. Its not there now; it wasn't there in the 1800s.

A friend of mine tells me this story of one of his ancestors. She was raped repeatedly by her neighbor and had all her children by him. He threatened her that if she ever tried to get away from him, he would take her children away from her. The man's wife knew of the relationship and, in fact, the two women worked together to take care of their children. Again, one must remember that neither of these women had any rights. If the extra-marital woman would've left, the man would've been able to legally take the children. The extra-marital woman writes in a diary that SHE is the one who is sinful and needs to do better. In other words, she blamed herself for being a victim. She was shunned by all the other folks living in the village as being an adulteress, even though the man was forcing himself onto her.

Another friend tells me yet again of his ancestor who was outside drawing water out of the well. She was ambushed and raped by her neighbor. The rape resulted in a pregnancy.

In my stories, I strive to make my characters real and to make them honest. For instance, in Pioneer Stories, we are sure that Charity was pregnant before John Freeman married her. As Quakers, they were forced to confess this sin not only in front of the elders but in front of the entire church before being excommunicated. Charity never recovered from the shaming. 

Plain and simple - in the 1800s - sex, relationships, and divorce, were the same then as they are now. To accept this fact will make working on your family tree a whole lot easier, leaving you to create more possibilities.

© 2022 by December Moonlight Publishing, LLC

Rodell Ella Howard Ellis: Shunned Stepdaughter, Beloved Granddaughter

Johann Gottfried Hauer (John Godfrey Howard) Family Line

Rodell Ella Howard Ellis (1857-1899) Shunned Stepdaughter; Beloved Granddaughter

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by Carolyn Ann Howard

This post was updated 01May 2022

When I first considered writing a book about a family member, Ella Howard Ellis was my first choice. After learning that she died from tuberculosis, like her father before her, at the age of 42, I changed my mind. To say I didn't want to write such a sad ending doesn't seem to hold water, though. My first novel, Blood of My Ancestor was such a tragedy. Perhaps Ella would've been a brighter choice, after all, and the thought is still there. Her husband, William Ellis, seems like quite the character and a lot of fun. It also feels that we have a charming love story here, him being a wounded Civil War veteran with a right below-knee amputation (BKA), revised later to above-knee (AKA), and Ella being the lovely person I'm certain she was.

Ella's father was Henry Albert Howard and her mother, Elizabeth Smith. Do you know how difficult it is to do a family search on the name Elizabeth Smith? I'm quite sure that her father was Samuel Smith, from whom Henry's father first purchased acreage after landing in Shoals, Indiana.

Henry and Elizabeth were married in 1854, moved back to his native New York, and had 2 children Emory and Ella. Then, all of a sudden, Henry was married to his neighbor's daughter, Nancy Crays, living just outside of Loogootee, Indiana, and Elizabeth had disappeared. I dislike presumption very, very much; therefore, I'm skeptical that she died, bur I have no documentation of her after 1858.

On my family tree, I have Elizabeth Smith also linked with the Woody family of Martin/Lawrence County. There is some evidence that she may have been a Woody from a previous marriage. In working the tree, I've followed that hunch a bit, but I'm going to have to leave Evansville to find the answers, if indeed any answer is out there.

When Henry brought his two children back with him from New York, he moved to the area where his father and father-in-law lived in Perry Township, Martin County, Indiana, just outside of Loogootee.  Henry married his neighbor, Nancy Crays, in 1861. Together they had four sons and one daughter. The stepchildren, Emory and Ella, unfortunately, didn't get along too well with their stepmother.

Ella's father, Henry, died of tuberculosis in 1872. At that point, Emory moved out of the area and Ella, aged 16, went to Vincennes, Indiana, where her aunt Mary Jane Howard Sawyer lived. Ella's grandmother, Mary Ann Toles Howard, also went to Vincennes with Ella along with another grandson, Abraham Frank, whom Mary Ann had adopted. Click on photos to enlarge

1876 Map of Vincennes, IN
Public Domain

According to my dear friend and lovely cousin, Ann Hartwell Britton, who has done considerable research on the Howard tree, that once Ella landed in Vincennes, she took a job,

"either at a Methodist newspaper or a Methodist church putting out a newsletter. Two caveats: 1) This was told to me by the same people (that is, all the then-existing Ellises) who said her name was Mary Ellen Howard and 2) I called the Archives of the (now) United Methodist Church who told me there was no Methodist church in Vincennes at that time."

First ME Church, Vincennes
Public Domain
History of Old Vincennes
Click on photo to enlarge

Upon further investigation, however, Ann and I found that there was indeed a Methodist church in Vincennes at that time. According to History of Old Vincennes and Knox County, Indiana, Volume 1, by George E. Greene published in 1911 [2], the first Methodist Episcopal (ME) church was established in Vincennes in 1810 with the first building erected 1828 and a second, larger building erected 1854.

Ella and Will were married in Flint, Michigan on 07 Dec 1876, and lived their married life together in Michigan. In the 1880 census of Mount Morris, Michigan, we not only find Ella and Will but also, thankfully, Ella's grandmother Mary Ann, along with her cousin, Frank.

If I were writing a fictional story about Ella and Will, I might have them meet at this Methodist Episcopal Church in Vincennes, Indiana. Or what if they met somewhere else? After all, they weren't married in Vincennes but in Michigan. It is clear, however, that Ella and Will both had roots in Vincennes, and it is an important location to their untold story.
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1. Ella is listed as Rodell on the 1870 census.
2. Most counties have a written history in the public domain. Consult Google Books and type in either the town or county name along with the state followed by the word "history."

© 2022 by December Moonlight Publishing, LLC

Abraham Howard II - Husband, Father, Fallen Soldier

Johann Gottfried Hauer (John Godfrey Howard) Family Line

Abraham Howard II (1837-1862) Husband, Father, Fallen Soldier

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by Carolyn Ann Howard

This post was updated 01 May 2022

Abraham Howard I was my 3x great-grandfather and the only son of John Godfrey Howard to settle in beautiful Martin County, Indiana. This occurred in or around 1854, when Abraham bought 50 acres along the breathtaking East Fork of White River, near the famous Overlook. According to records, Abraham, who is listed on the 1850 census as a blacksmith, purchased these acres from Samuel Smith for $1,000. Click on photos to enlarge

 

The Overlook at Shoals, Indiana Overlooking East Fork of White River Photo courtesy Marie Hawkins

 
Abraham's third son was Abraham II. He was my 3x granduncle and was about 15 years old when the family journeyed from New York to Shoals. Abraham's life was tragic yet interesting and victorious. He was a laborer, a husband, a father, a son-in-law, and a fallen soldier.

Abraham's brother, Eleazer, was around 17 at the time of their move from New York to Indiana. Although some family members think several different Howard families left New York together at the same time, I have proof that these were the only Howards to leave New York on this particular journey.

Of the children of Abraham I, only Henry stayed in Martin County, from whom I am descended.

Perhaps Abraham II and his older brother, Eleazer, wanted adventure. Maybe they thought a move would mean financial gain. Maybe Abraham was already in love with Eliza Raney. Whatever the reason, when the Raney's wagon train left Martin County, Indiana for Muscatine County, Iowa, Abraham and Eleazer tagged along.

We can only speculate what Iowa held for the two brothers - at least until and unless more information surfaces - but it could have been the opportunity for employment with building the Muscatine and Oskaloosa Railroad. Ground broke on this important railway 08 Feb 1854 by the M&M Railroad Company. It was built at a cost of $2,557,500, which was an average of about $27,000 per mile. [1]

Thursday, 28 Oct 1858 was surely a happy day for Abraham II, as he married Eliza Jane Raney, the niece of Valentine Raney. Eliza's parents had died early in her life and Valentine had taken his niece into his household, adopting her. Eliza was just days away from turning 17.

After the wedding, Eleazar, Abraham and Eliza Jane lived together in the same household. [2]

Another happy celebration occurred as Abraham and Eliza had a son, Abraham Frank III, born 25 Jun 1859.

Unfortunately, this may have been the last of happy days for our friend Abraham. Muscatine County became somewhat of a thoroughfare for those heading to California to find gold. Heading west, moving through Iowa, the gold rushers brought disease, namely cholera. [3]

Eliza Jane contracted rheumatic fever after the birth of her son.  While this may or may not have anything to do with people traipsing through Muscatine County or whether it had to do with recent childbirth or another cause, Eliza Jane Raney Howard died 15 Jan 1860. She is buried in Harker Cemetery, Muscatine County, Iowa. Her Find-A-Grave memorial opens in a new window.

What happened to a man in 1860 who lost his wife, has to work to make ends meet and has no childcare? He must find help. Many times, that help came in the form of a new wife. For Abraham, however, the answer was to return to Martin County. Eleazar came back with him, along with his infant son. On the 1860 census, Abraham II, Frank, and Eleazar are living with their parents, Abraham I and Mary Ann. How happy Mary Ann was to have her sons back home, and she willingly took care of her grandson.

Abraham II enlisted in the United States Army, mustered in 07 Jun 1861 in Terre Haute, Indiana, Regiment 14, Company A. From there, he marched to Indianapolis and from there to Western Virginia. On 03 Oct 1861, his first battle of the Civil War was fought at Pocahontas County in what is now West Virginia at the Battle of Greenbrier River. Five were killed and eleven wounded.

Abraham was promoted to corporal 07 October 1861. In April 1862, he became ill and was in the hospital at Strasburg, Virginia for a few days. Between 12 May and 23 Jun 1862, his company marched 339 miles. Most of the men were without shoes and short of rations.

In September, the 14th Indiana took part in the Maryland Campaign, which included the Battle of Antietam, the bloodiest battle of the Civil War. According to Wikipedia, Colonel William Harlow's report stated that Abraham's regiment fought for four hours under heavy fire within 60 yards of Confederate forces. Abraham took a mortal wound in the thigh and died on the battlefield. His death likely was extremely painful, and yes, I imagine he cried for his mother. Abraham died a hero.

Battle of Antietam
Courtesy: Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain

The Union won the Battle of Antietam, although both sides experienced heavy casualties.

Abraham's Find-A-Grave opens in a new window.

It is good that Abraham and Eleazar went back to Martin County after the death of Abraham's wife, Eliza. Their son, Abraham Frank, found a formidable guardian in his grandmother, Mary Ann. After Abraham's death, she adopted and raised Frank.

Abraham's brother Eleazar eventually moved to Michigan and, in March 1865, enlisted in Michigan's 24th Regiment, Company H. Eleazar was in the military for only a few months when he suffered a disabling hip injury. He would continue to have debilitating pain in his hip the rest of his life.

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1. Parker, Nathan H. Iowa as It Is in 1855. Keen and Lee, 1855.
2. Records from The National Archives
3. Richman, Irving B. History of Muscatine County, Iowa.  The S.J. Clark Publishing Co., 1911.

© 2022 by December Moonlight Publishing, LLC